What To Do If Your Kids Refuse To Do Their Homework

Do your children struggle to get their homework done each day? Do they outright refuse to do it sometimes? If you are in the habit of struggling with your kids over homework, it’s no fun for anyone.

The good news is you can change these dynamics! One school counselor reported that she saw many children who refused to do their homework. When she asked what they would do if their parents left homework up to them, almost all the kids replied they would do their homework. Some of the reasons they gave were not disappointing their teachers, having their recess time and avoiding embarrassment.

When your kids focus on resisting you, they can’t feel their internal motivations. How can you remove your children’s resistance and increase the likelihood of their homework getting done?

Remove yourself from the equation by saying something like, “I realize that when I try to make you do your homework both of us end up feeling bad. From now on I’m going to leave your homework up to you. I have faith that you can work out any issues around getting your homework done with your teacher. I want you to be successful in school so you are welcome to use the TV or computer after your homework is done. However, it’s up to you to decide when and if you do your homework.”

Asking questions is another way to help your children think through the possible consequences for not getting their homework done.

• How will you respond when your teacher asks you for your homework?
• What does your teacher do when kids don’t have their homework done?
• What effect does your homework have on your grade?

It’s critical to ask these questions with calm curiosity instead of anger. By leaving homework responsibility with your children, you increase the likelihood it will get done. 

Importance of Family in Everyone's Lives

Your childhood family has deep meaning and significance throughout your entire life. The major role family plays in shaping young adults is beautifully captured in this video of One Direction playing "Story of My Life":

Positively Transforming Your Kids’ Behavior Through Shaping

Are there any of your kids’ behaviors that you would like to change? Perhaps you feel frustrated that your child won’t practice the piano without being nagged, doesn’t listen the first time, or is super slow in getting ready for school. By the time you are really bothered by a behavior, your child is probably well entrenched in behaving this way.

You may have resorted to yelling, threatening and taking away privileges to try to improve your child’s behavior. While that may have worked one day, you probably found you needed to yell louder, come up with bigger threats or take away more privileges to get your child to behave again.

What Researchers Have Discovered About Punishment

By the time frustrated parents turn to Dr. Alan Kazdin at the Yale Parenting Center they are at their wits end! He tells them what he’s learned from the research:

"Punishment - mild, severe, abusive - changes behavior only at the moment it is delivered. It doesn't change the overall level or rate of the behavior. So if you have a child who's doing something horrible and you smack them, it'll stop it for the moment but it won't decrease the number of times they do the horrible thing.

So there's an alternative. Decide what behavior you want, sometimes called the positive opposite, and praise or encourage that. That makes the negative behavior drop out. You can actually eliminate a behavior by rewarding or praising the opposite behavior. Punishment won't do it."

Shaping the Behavior You Want

What does it mean to shape your child’s behavior? It involves five steps:

(Finish reading this article on the Priceless Parenting site)

Multiple Warnings Lead to Anger Not Better Behavior

Do you ever find yourself giving your kids multiple warnings? Do you ever say "How many times do I have to tell you?"

Watch this video clip from the movie “Kramer versus Kramer” and pay attention to how this dad feels as his son repeatedly ignores his warnings.

For parenting ideas that work better than multiple warnings and commands, take a Priceless Parenting online parenting class starting today!

Understanding Babies Who Cry Inconsolably

One of the most stressful parts of caring for our baby daughter was when she cried and nothing we did helped. It can lead even the strongest parent to tears!

We knew babies cried a lot but we didn't know how helpless we would feel when we couldn't comfort her. We also didn't know how common this type of crying is for all babies.

The Period of PURPLE Crying acronym captures what is going on:

Peak of Crying - Your baby may cry more each week, the most in month 2, then less in months 3-5.
Unexpected - Crying can come and go and you don't know why.
Resists Soothing - Your baby may not stop crying no matter what you try.
Pain-like Face - A crying baby may look like the are in pain, even when they are not.
Long Lasting - Crying can last as much as 5 hours a day or more.
Evening - Your baby may cry more in the late afternoon and evening.

Dr. Ronald Barr provides an excellent explanation of the PURPLE crying period in this video:

Help Me Do It By Myself

When I was a child and struggling to do something, I often went to my dad for help. However, I wanted just enough help so that I could feel I had pretty much done it on my own. If he gave me what I deemed to be too much help, I got mad … not that much help, just a little!

Fortunately for me, my dad had a lot of patience. He was willing to try giving me hints on how to solve a problem without solving it for me. It certainly could not have been an easy balance for him!

I wanted to feel proud of what I had accomplished on my own. Even though I needed his help, if I had just a little help then it qualified as doing it on my own.

The next time your kids come to you for help, think about how you can give just enough help to get them unstuck without solving it for them.

Not Having Enough Time with My Kids

A mom wrote that her biggest parenting challenge is not having enough time with her kids. What an important realization! This is a problem worth solving. Your kids blossom when they have plenty of your time and you feel more relaxed.

Although I don’t know this mom’s personal situation, I do know that it is worth getting creative to figure out how to free up more time to be with her kids. Your kids keep growing and changing every day and there is no way to get that precious time back once it’s gone.

Have you found ways to free up more time so you can be with your kids? While each person’s situation is different, freeing up more time often involves things like

• Changing work schedules or situations (like no longer traveling for work)
• Letting less important tasks slip (perhaps the house won’t be quite as clean!)
• Asking neighbors, friends or relatives for help
• Finding ways to involve your kids in your tasks (like including them in meal preparation)

You can guarantee that in 10 years you won’t look back and wish you had kept the bathrooms a little cleaner. However, you will look back and appreciate the memories of spending time with your kids.